Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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