Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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