then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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