from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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