he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I understand Curling. That high.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
