her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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