WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
