She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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