my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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