I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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