if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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