I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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