also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
