Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
