Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
