So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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