I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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