well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
