I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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