I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
