Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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