Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
