Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
