While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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