Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
