New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
