we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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