4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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