...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
