As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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