You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
