I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
