3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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