Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
