Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
