Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
