Where is the hickey?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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