I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
