I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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