made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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