1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
