i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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