I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
