I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
