did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize