Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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