I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
