Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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