I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
