she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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