am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My life is pants optional.
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