Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
