Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Bring me that man meat
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
