2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
