and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
