I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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