dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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