how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
