So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
