just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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