I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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