i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
