Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
